When you’re young and there’s a whole world ahead of you, you can feel paralyzed by what you perceive as near infinite options. What do I choose?

Two or three decades on, though, you can feel trapped by your choices. How is it that a decision I made at 17 now seems like it has closed off half the world to me?

The truth, of course, is that we can always make new choices, but the wisdom (or “wisdom”, or scar tissue) of past experience means we know that choices have consequences. It’s not that we can’t make the same kind of leaps into the unknown that many of us were willing to take at 22, we just know the trade-offs and compromises that we’ll be making alongside that leap.

The trade-offs and compromises were always there, we just see them clearly now.

At 17, I was an idiot who thought he knew everything. At 22, I was an idiot who would admit he didn’t know everything but felt he had the tools to learn anything. At 44, I know I’m just an idiot.

I’d love to chuck it all, move out west, start over, and take the sort of leap of faith I should have made in ’96 or ’98. I’d love to go back to school. I’d love to start over in another part of the country, some place that feels new and full of opportunity (even though intellectually I know the frontier closed more than a century ago, ‘the west’ calls, especially places that vote bluer than here).

But I still have family, and a move like that would mean putting a continent between me and them. My parents are reaching an age where my proximity might matter.

That’s the last tie, though. I’m not following my life’s passion or anything with the current employment situation and while my metro area is fine, economically, I’m not a huge fan despite having been born here. It would take very little to dislodge me from this slightly uncomfortable rut. A job offer. A relationship. Hitting rock bottom a fourth time.

There are changes I can make anywhere; the living situation doesn’t matter, really. If I’m going to be a writer, I can write from anywhere. If I’m going to “go back to school” I can do so just as easily with a library card and internet connection, so long as I don’t have to have the paper (getting a new credential would be better, though, to be clear). I can make resolutions (annually, even) to be fitter, or more social, or more frugal, or better in whichever way.

Even now, I have 20 years or more of “work” or a “career” before I can reasonably expect to “retire” (sadly, I doubt I’ll be able to retire) and 20 years is a long ass time. Outside of any restrictions I place on myself, or the ties I willingly double the knots on, I could honestly try anything. I have a lot fewer obligations and restrictions than most people my age – no spouse, no kids, no job I love and just can’t leave.

A whole world, even.

With a whole world ahead of you, you can feel paralyzed by what you perceive as near infinite options. What do you choose?